just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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