i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
