you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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