Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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