My balls are so social today.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
