Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
