oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
my being single is dangerous.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
