fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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