So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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