And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
