Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
