I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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