Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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