he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
