I look better un-naked...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
