I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just had sex on a roof
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
