i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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