pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
