When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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