somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
