are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
