it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
