she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
