Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
