I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
