I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
