I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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