just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
