no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
