Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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