I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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