I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
