That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
