Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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