Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
