There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
