Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
