I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
