Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
