How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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