Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
