Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Randomize
