Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
