She's like a pop up book from hell.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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