I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
