I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
