god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
