I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
