i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
