My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Is it because I queefed?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
