walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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