her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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